Honey Nut Ichiros?

I absolutely love this: CBS Sports.Com’s list of the 200 most frequently used team names in its 100,000 fantasy baseball leagues. 

Most of these names are absurdly obvious or overly familiar (Gashouse Gorillas, Chico’s Bail Bonds, Boys Of Summer, Naturals, etc.) But many of them provide tremendous insight into the nature of the rotisserian’s mind, and maybe a little bit into what’s popular in baseball and what isn’t:

1 Evil Empire

5 Bronx Bombers

6 Yankees/New York Yankees

7 Bombers

20 Murderer’s Row

42 Highlanders

86 Yankees Suck

131 Damn Yankees

136 Pinstripes

169 Beantown Bombers

I’m beginning to sense a little theme there. Obviously “Evil Empire” probably vaulted to the top with the help of more than a couple of Star Wars/Not Yankees fans, but still, that’s a lot of Yank reverence (honestly, how many “Beantown Bombers” could there be? No hard numbers are offered here – by 169th place three of one team might be sufficient).

But what on earth is that 6th entry. You call your fantasy team The New York Yankees? What part of “fantasy” is unclear to you. Thankfully that’s the extent of the pure rip-offs of extant franchises.
Or not:

2 Springfield Isotopes/Isotopes

9 Red Sox/Boston Red Sox

10 Cubs/Chicago Cubs

13 Mets/New York Mets

16 Tigers/Detroit Tigers

19 Brew Crew

23 Braves/Atlanta Braves

29 Indians/Cleveland Indians

32 Big Red Machine

39 Dodgers/LA Dodgers

49 Cardinals/St. Louis Cardinals

54 Redbirds

60 Phillies

61 Mudhens

75 Reds

76 Brewers

80 Splendid Splinters

81 Red Sox Nation

87 Durham Bulls

92 Amazins

100 Rangers

108 Mariners

115 Tampa Bay Rays

118 Gas House Gang

121 Cubbies

122 Minnesota Twins

123 Louisville Sluggers

129 Kansas City Royals

132 Astros

137 Orioles

140 Expos

162 Dodger Blue

165 San Diego Padres

166 Florida Marlins

172 San Francisco Giants

178 Toronto Blue Jays

180 Rockies

184 Chicago White Sox

185 Senators

188 Homestead Grays

190 Washington Nationals

Your fantasy team is named The Chicago White Sox? I mean I get “Washington Nationals” if you live in the state, or in Washington, PA. If you’re Jay, “Toronto Blue Jays” sounds pretty cool. But where are the Ed Sox, Dead Sox, Fred Sox, Ned Sox, Ted Sox,
and ‘Nuf Ced Sox?

Here is yet another subtle theme:

14 Roid Rage

37 Juiced

57 Balco Bombers

64 Balco

82 HGH

127 Roid Ragers

170 Balco Boys

All right, enough ripping. Five of these I really liked, the first because as cliched as it might be, it represents an epic failure to come up with a fake name in a different context and might thus be described as “meta”:

35 McLovin

43 Kenny Powers

51 Honey Nut Ichiros

128 Little Lebowski Urban Achievers

139 Jeters Never Prosper

I would definitely be proud to call a team of mine “Jeters Never Prosper,” or, especially, “Honey Nut Ichiros,” which is inspired – as long as you’re not in an NL-only league.

For the record I have largely tried to avoid puns for my teams (my teams this year are homages to my Dad: The New York Watoshes and Still Mad They Traded Souchock). But I have operated franchises called New York Annyongkees (I was in a league with a bunch of guys from “Arrested Development”), Somali Pirates, and Keith Myaths (the last one must be said aloud to get the full effect – but may be offensive to, I don’t know, somebody).
Tangentially, if you’ve read this far, a couple of fantasy tips that also seem relevant to the real game. First, it sure looks like the jig is up in Colorado for Clint Barmes, and a line-up spot (in fact a lead-off spot) has been opened for Eric Young, Jr. I’d grab him, and Jaime Garcia of the Cardinals if you have not, to say nothing of the guy who might be the annual “I Wouldn’t Touch Him…They’ll Figure Him Out Soon…I Passed On This Guy 10 Times?” award winner: Carlos Silva of the Cubs.


  1. balsley

    A couple years ago a buddy of mine, an Indians fan, used the name: “C.C.’s Crooked Hat.” It’s one of the better names I’ve heard. Obviously, he’s retired the “Crooked Hat” but has adopted “Big League Choo.” Also a solid name. As for ripoffs, I used “Roger Dorn Bat Night” in one of my leagues last year. “The Wright Stuff” is an obvious one.

  2. acklandn@msu.edu

    Maybe topical names are fleeting, but I know, at least for fantasy hockey, two of the best names I saw were “Taxi Cab Kanefessions” and “Don’t Toews Me Bro!”

  3. beearl

    On the rip-off tip, my first fantasy teams were named the Mudhens. Boring! That soon turned into Sonic Death Monkey which, of course, became Barry Jive and the Uptown Five on the way to becoming Kathleen Turner Overdrive.

    Then I was the Bug-Eyed Earls (named for Max Cannon’s comic strip Red Meat) for a while, and currently The Nappy Dugout (which you might need to be an Ice Cube fan to get).

    We did have a Honey Nut Ichiros in our league last year for a while, but he changed it to something les funn

  4. ajmilner@cavtel.net

    The last fantasy league I played in, about 10 years ago, my team was named the Spalding Grays, thus honoring Albert Goodwill Spalding, Spalding sporting goods (and Spaldeens), the nicknames of the Homestead and Providence teams and the monologist. This was before Mr. Gray’s suicide.

  5. atuvera

    My fantasy world is tied up elsewhere, but if I chose to enter the world of fantasy baseball how about “It’s Mauer Never” Go Twins !!!!!

  6. tuffy53@gmail.com

    Our fantasy draft takes place around Passover every year. I named my team the 9 Plagues just for the symmetry. Plus, I’m as bad as the Pharaoh at drafting hitters.

  7. jesse@wqam.com

    keith a fantasy league with the arrested development guys? need to know the other team names from that league! i think mine could/would have been “heyyy brother”

  8. mrlyngreen

    I was in a fantasy league back in the 80’s when it first started up. I was the only female in the league (ended up ahead of 4 of the 7 guys much to their chagrin) but we didn’t have names then.

    As for picks, rookie John Jay of the Cardinals looked promising in the travesty of a game that is the Cards/Reds game now in rain delay (should have been called in the 5th inning).

    If I were in a league today I think Red Bed Heads would be the name I would pick.

  9. swarty

    My favorite of all time was my friend’s football team name from about 18 years ago.

    We live in New York. He lived downtown. His team was the Houston Oilers.

    If you are a New Yorker, you will get the joke.

  10. jemariner

    Speaking of AAA Tacoma, our recently called up players from the minors all proved they were hungry today and hopefully will push the regulars into taking another look at themselves. Josh Wilson led the group with a 3-run homer in the 4th and also had a single, walk, and triple. Michael ?Condor? Saunders let everyone know he was legit as well with a solo HR and RBI single later in the game. Ryan Langerhans got on base with a couple of walks and picked up a steal as he gave Casey Kotchman the day off to regroup. Even Adam Moore who is on the bubble picked up an RBI single in the 8th. http:/jeffsmariners.com

  11. alanhawk2930@gmail.com

    Ryan Langerhans got on base with a couple of walks and picked up a steal as he gave Casey Kotchman the day off to regroup. Even Adam Moore who is on the bubble picked up an RBI single in the 8th. essays | assignments

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