Oh, the wags at CitiField wagged, if only life worked like this. The cop catches you speeding or breaking or entering and you say “Never mind. I’ll just take The Manny Ramirez and retire.”
In fact it sometimes does work that way (ask onetime Vice President Spiro Agnew). And now apparently – and apparently not to the surprise of everybody in the Tampa Bay Rays organization – Manny has been caught doing something in violation of the drug testing policy and has simply retired rather than face the consequences.
Apparently it wasn’t misconduct that worried the Rays in spring training. Quite the opposite. This was Super Cooperative Manny, volunteering for those long cross-Florida bus trips and willing to play left field or pinch hit or whatever. Seemed too good to be true to some.
And it was.
As to what drug this was, the three leading guesses are Formaldehyde, Botox, or the preservative they put in cookie dough.
DH, 1B, and LF duties will now be shared by some combination of Dan Johnson, Casey Kotchman, Johnny Damon, and Sam Fuld.